dumb stuff #52

I guess one could say that I'm a tomboy. I used to think that I had grown out of that but lately I think tommy may be closer now than ever. I tried to get away, really, I tried. I used to have this complex, that no guy would ever want to marry me because it would be like marrying Billybob from poker night with the guys. All the sports, all the drums, all the comments about how my gait looked like I was walking up to the plate to hit a homer...ya know, these things add up. I've always been one of the boys. To make a long story short, I don't have that complex any more. I don't worry about the guy thing, but sometimes I wonder if I should bring out a little more of the feminine once in a while. Spice things up a bit maybe. Last night I had a concert in which I played Timpani. Later a fellow percussionist had some words for me, "Don't take this the wrong way, well actually it's a compliment...you play like a guy!" I thought that was cool, a bit of an ego boost I guess. So I think I have two cards to play: when it's time for sports or drums, I'm Tom. For everything else, I'm Nicole. Everytime I'm all dolled for something my dad always grins and says the same thing to me,"You clean up real nice." I laugh every time. The translation is, "I think you look pretty." Unfortunately it was always someone else who does the hair, the make-up, the fashion choice, the "cleaning up," if you will. I remember trying to use a curling iron and I got my hair stuck in the iron. I spent twenty minutes getting out of that pickle. I'm not really sure how I became this way. My mother still tries to help me scrape off this crusty exterior to be the woman she knows lies beneath and makes a semi annual appearance. I guess it's part of being me. Here's the thing, one thought has been running in my mind all day: for the past 23 years I have resisted looking pretty...that's dumb.